U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i now understand why vodka
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
