Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
