we have officially mastered the walk of shame
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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