I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
