saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
