Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
