WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
