I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
