Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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