That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
