UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
