sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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