she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
