Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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