I got chris browned last night
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
