he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
