So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
