ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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