I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
