i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
