maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
