You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
