..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
