Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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