It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
