Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
