Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
