So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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