no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
