This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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