Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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