jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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