dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
