i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
