now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
