So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
