i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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