My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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