We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
