I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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