is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
