the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
