You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
