my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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