Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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