So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
