She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
