How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
