and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
