so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
how does that bad decision feel?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
